I have been so discouraged lately when it comes to school. I've been struggling with mainly two areas. #1 The appearance of other homeschoolers having awesome school experiences. They LOVE school and my kids don't! (except for one - I'm sure that will change though) and #2 Others voicing their disapproval of me choosing to homeschool my children.
I recently wrote to a dear friend (and mentor) about my homeschooling woes. In my message I asked her, How come in every homeschooling picture I see, the kids are happy? Why is their school going so well? What am I doing wrong? Why are their kids absolutely loving school and mine hate it? In fact, one of my children calls school "prison". (Granted, I have pictures of my kids enjoying school too! - because I take them at that rare moment when they are loving school...It occasionally happens) What's wrong with me? How come my kids don't love school? If I were to capture on film the true reality of school, I would be posting pictures of my son crying over spelling words he got wrong; my daughter throwing a temper tantrum when I ask her to work on her cursive or my other son flying around the hallway pretending he is Mario in Super Mario Galaxy instead of doing his phonics. And in these same pictures would be me either crying, reprimanding, or throwing my hands up in the air, giving up on it all.
I have a sneaking suspicion that other homeschooling moms also post those rare moments in life when their children are actually obeying and enjoying school for that small moment in time. Now don't get me wrong, I know some kids actually do love it. For example, my 1st grader does love school and actually asks to do it,even on Saturdays. But, he also gives me a hard time. Like today, when I asked him to read to me, he was "too tired" and when he was reading he'd take breaks throughout the story to sigh, yawn, throw himself down on the couch in exasperation, etc. Sometimes I just feel like a failure because my children don't like school.
I cannot doubt my ability to teach my children because of the way our school days are going. Those thoughts are not from God!! Through a friend revealing this simple truth to me, I realized that I need to be in prayer that I will not allow these kinds of thoughts to run through my head!!
This brings me to my second 'problem' with homeschooling:
As I mentioned before, I went to my dear friend, Monica, to seek her advice. I told her that it seemed as though people felt I was dis-servicing my children by homeschooling them. She wrote me back and in her message this one little line totally floored me. It wasn't that it was a hard concept, it was that I never had really pondered the truth of it. She said, "For when we as mothers, caregivers, educators, wives, start to loose our footing with the things we were CREATED to do and be, we begin to believe what the world around us is shouting at us."
Isn't that the truth! When you have the world doubting you, and shouting out at you that you can't do it, or that you're not doing it well enough, or that you should let someone else do it, you begin to believe them. But in reality, God created us moms to love, serve, nurture, sacrifice, teach, give and guide. And is there any part of school that doesn't need all those attributes?
While our school days are not typically all peachy-keen, I am doing my best at loving my children, serving them, nurturing them, sacrificing for them, teaching them, giving my knowledge, time and energy to them and guiding them. Nobody else is called to do or be all these things for my children except for me. So while in the world's eyes I am not giving my children the proper education, social interaction, or anything else they come up with, I know that in God's eyes, I am doing exactly what he wants me to do.
I have always had the desire to homeschool. When I was in highschool, when I was in college...In fact, in college, I wanted to quit so I could go home and homeschool my younger brother. Wisely, my parents advised me against that. But I knew even before I was married or had children, that that was what I was called to do.
When we found out that my oldest son had special needs, I doubted my calling to homeschool. How on earth could I teach him? I felt I wasn't equipped to tackle that feat. I couldn't have been more wrong. I was EXACTLY the person who needed to teach my child. I've had many other instances also, where I have doubted myself and debated if sending them to public school would be the better choice. And in each of those instances God had brought to my heart the desire to keep on doing what he had designed me to do: love, serve, nurture, sacrifice for, teach, give to and guide my children.
I am not alone in this homeschooling adventure. God has graced me with wise family members, mentors, homeschooling moms and friends who are willing to guide me and encourage me along the way. I am truly blessed.
Side Note: [I went to public school. While I probably would have preferred to have been homeschooled, I am certain that my parents were doing what they were called to do in their jobs as a train engineer and church secretary. I know my parents did what was best for us. So, being a former public schooler myself, and having parents who chose to send us kids to public school; don't be sending the hate mail public school parents. Haha! Public school has it's place, just not in my family...Unless, of course, God decides to change that. =)]
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